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Category Archives: Quote of the fucking day.

Reading: The underrated art.

Here’s some fucking wisdom for you.

McHuh: Ummmm so-like okokokokok? I want this thing translated?  But I want it done by the same person?  That translated that subject matter last time?

Me: Mkay.

McHuh: Soooo. I have no idea who did it? I mean, how to even find out? But I found this document with all of these questions and comments to you?  From the last time, from like, a translator? I think? I have no way to tell?

Me:

you-dont-say

McHuh: So can you look at that document and tell me if you can tell from it? Because I can not tell? There is no possible way I can tell?  Do you think it’s this person? Or the other-like? Mchelp? Maybe you could like tell? From their writing style?

jan

Me: <opens document>

wowzers

The-Office-GIFs-the-office-31947251-500-268disgust

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Spot on, I say.

This is golden:

I really felt the video was pretty bang-on after receiving this email yesterday:

1

To which I responded/forwarded to a collegue:

2

 

Which obviously led to this exchange:

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P is for Patronizing

<Last week>

Me:

sherlock-frustratedfrustratedconan_spaz

McHuh: Ummmm-like, I feel like maybe you’re frustrated.

jan

Me:

finger

McHuh: Wellll, let’s like, have a meeting about your feelings.

Me:

angry-amy

McHuh:

bubbles

<the next day>

McHuh: So like, are you like, frustrated-like?

Me: Bingo!

McHuh: So like, yesterday, one of the things you said was that you tell me things and you don’t know where they go. And then you made crazy bird hands. Why?

Me: You mean this?

tumblr_mn4tgjFk0g1r7hx1ao1_400In response to you asking me why I don’t ‘tell you things’, what I said was, “I tell you things all of the time. You furiously write them down. I’m not sure where it goes after that.”

McHuh: I don’t understand what you mean.

Me: I know.

louie

McHuh: Mkay-like, sooo.. also, I really want you to take the lead on such and such.

Me: I take as much as a lead as you let me.

McHuh: I don’t understand what you mean.

Me: You give me the impression I have the ‘lead’ and then breathe over my shoulder, tell my how I should be doing a job that you have no experience in, and then make me change everything to what you want, even if it goes against best practice, with no respect for my timelines or the work effort involved.

McHuh: 

bubbles

<today’s example>

Me: I’m going meet with so and so artist tomorrow to discuss this, this, and this. I need this, this, and this from you.

McHuh: Zomg! I can’t be there to hover over your shoulder so I can see every little thing you’re doing?! In that case, here is what I want you to say word for word.

Make sure you say all of the things.

Exact.

Make sure you do this, this and this. Make sure you also do this, this and this. Oh and make sure you say this, this, and this. Oh and this. Wait… like, say this too. Mkay, also say this, this and this.

  • Wait, let me send you a bulleted list
  • of exactly what
  • you are to say and do.
  • After you read
  • that bulleted list,
  • I want to meet
  • with you
  • so you can
  • repeat
  • the bulleted
  • list back
  • to me.

Me:  I wasn’t born yesterday, nor am I five fucking years old. Is this your idea of letting me take the lead?  I can handle it, thanks.

breaking-bad-fu

McHuh:

bubbles

  • Soo-like?
  • What are
  • you going to say tomorrow?
  • Do you need
  • me
  • to help you
  • remember?
  • Can you repeat
  • the list back to me?

Me:

mad-at-theinternettumblr_lgh1bfHIfr1qc41a4o1_400zeLNA9hwhite-coatstumblr_mo193w7x3N1r8nisfo1_250

Knobs will be knobs

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Quote of the fucking day.

Knob: <loudly, in panic> Urgent! Is the tech guy in? This is urgent!

Some other knob: No, why?

Knob: O-M-G!!! I need him! It’s urgent. I have a voice mail and I don’t know how to check it!!!!! I really need to check it!!!!!

what

Context:

This late 20’s-something-or-other has been here for at least 6 months, maybe longer, who even knows.

This is a human person, who grew up in an age of technology, who can’t figure out how to check her voice mail and/or use a telephone thingy-doo-dad.

And once realizing that part, can’t ‘ask the internet‘ how to do it?

Or you know, check that user manual that collects dust in her desk?

Instead, she will let it sit there?

Until?

Are you telling me that in over 6 months as communications advisor, she has never had a message?

Ever?!

In communications?!

EVER???

Hello?

In real life??

Just how is this even possible? Just how?

It’s not like she’s being asked to extract zip files, or copy a video file from one folder to your desktop. Those things are challenging, you know?

rollaway

seriouslyanderson-judging-you1.gif.pagespeed.ce.KUconoAbHftumblr_m0phtiFpPU1rqfhi2o1_500 (1)

The vague police called, they want their comments back

eyeroll

Quote of the fucking day.

McHuh: Ummm sooo-like. Here is my very detailed and specific feedback that took me a month to put together. Let me know if it makes sense, mkay? I put a lot of thought into this, mkay?

Don’t use CAPS

My response:  In the title? On the screen? For the video segments? In the reference sheet? In the words at the start of the sentence? In life?

I haven’t used ALL-CAPS once in this 40 slide module or in the reference guide, if that’s what you’re referring to. Be specific and identify the ‘CAPS’ you speak of, please.

maniac-typing

Ensure the questions in the reference sheet match the online questions exact wording

Read: Somewhere in these 40 slides and/or 10 page reference guide, there is a typo. I think? Anyways, you should, like, check or something? Right? Does that make sense?  I identified it earlier but now I think I forget? Because I didn’t write it down? Can you remind me? You know, like, where I think it might have been? I think it’s like, between page 1 and 40? Does that help? Maybe ask the interwebs?

My response:

spacey-bitch-pleaseernietumblr_m5ahh6LzAr1qztwte

The internet, it tells me things.

McHuh: Ummm soo, great presentation. It was, you know, good-like.

Me: Thanks.

McHuh: So like,  great music choice! How did you know those songs?!

Me: From life?

<This is the list of songs: Lovely day – Bill Withers, Praise You – Fat Boy Slim, We are the Champions – Queen, Thank You – Sly and the Family Stone>

McHuh: Oh so did you know them? Or did you, like, ask the internet?

Me: ?

  download (10)

McHuh: You know, like, did the internet tell you which songs to use?

Me: Are you trying to ask me if I googled the songs?

oh-really-now.gif.pagespeed.ce.RNhAvzHA8g

McHuh: Ya like, did you ask the internet? Did it tell you what to pick?

Me: In this case, no. I just thought of the songs I wanted and used them. I already had them.

McHuh: OH! You had the songs?!  You should really write that down.

Me: Write what down?

McHuh: The songs?? So you, like, remember.

Me: So I remember what?

McHuh: The songs???

Me: I remember which songs I used. I made the thing.

325

McHuh: Okayokayokay, but you should write them down in case someone wants to use them at, like, a celebration or a party.

Me: Are you trying to ask me to give you the list of songs?

McHuh: Well just in case you want to remember.

Me:

tumblr_mrsoapHwIX1sp7ha5o1_400

“Picnic”

Here’s some fucking wisdom for you / Factual Fact

One thing to look forward to when an all-day planning meeting is in your future….

Food.

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If I have to sit in the same chair for 7.5 hours discussing the values and feelings of my future year, while continuously making this face (seriously it’s hard for 7.5 hours):

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….at the very least, provide me with a soggy veggie wrap, friend.

If I have to listen to the word BOLTH 67 times in the same day, hand me one of those over-ripe melon slices, yo.

If I have to wonder if that bug crawling across the table actually came out of that nest hair of the teeth sucker, throw over that warm yogurt cup, buddy!

If I have to hold hands and sing kumbaya with my group like a fucking kindergarten student, goddamn pass me that severely bruised banana, pal!

Quote(s) of the day:

Dear staff:

1

Oh? Picnic? That sounds… cold?

p2

Hmmm… This sounds like it’s going down the hand-holding path. p4Because we have a choice?

p3This is suspicious. Our last opportunity to eat and engage included and agenda of exactly how we will be eating and engaging.

It’s 12:13, put that sammich down!! You are done. Time to have a conversation with someone who you aren’t sitting beside. And it better be meaningful, dammit!

p5Oh wow. Don’t hold back. 30 whole minutes?! How noble of you.

p4bPICNIC

Bhahahaha!  Mkay. So really what you mean to say is this:

Hi. We are having a day-long meeting about your feelings and how that will play out in the next year. Since we don’t want to provide you with food, we are going to call it a ‘picnic’ and have you bring your own food as per every other single day, because fuck you, what am I? Your mother? Right. So, bring your own grub, sit at the meeting table (in groups of five), hold hands and talk about how hand holding can increase productivity, produce a skit about it, present that skit and you better goddamn smile while you do, then we all finish with a group number of Kumbaya and you bet your ass you’re going to sing, oh and at some point I guess take a bite of food. You have 30 minutes. And GO!

congrats-on-that-pile-of-nothing

tumblr_mplf6zJ7Af1qa8mq1o2_250tumblr_mplf6zJ7Af1qa8mq1o4_250tumblr_mplf6zJ7Af1qa8mq1o3_250Etc, etc.