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Here’s some fucking wisdom for you / Factual Fact

One thing to look forward to when an all-day planning meeting is in your future….



If I have to sit in the same chair for 7.5 hours discussing the values and feelings of my future year, while continuously making this face (seriously it’s hard for 7.5 hours):

images (19)

….at the very least, provide me with a soggy veggie wrap, friend.

If I have to listen to the word BOLTH 67 times in the same day, hand me one of those over-ripe melon slices, yo.

If I have to wonder if that bug crawling across the table actually came out of that nest hair of the teeth sucker, throw over that warm yogurt cup, buddy!

If I have to hold hands and sing kumbaya with my group like a fucking kindergarten student, goddamn pass me that severely bruised banana, pal!

Quote(s) of the day:

Dear staff:


Oh? Picnic? That sounds… cold?


Hmmm… This sounds like it’s going down the hand-holding path. p4Because we have a choice?

p3This is suspicious. Our last opportunity to eat and engage included and agenda of exactly how we will be eating and engaging.

It’s 12:13, put that sammich down!! You are done. Time to have a conversation with someone who you aren’t sitting beside. And it better be meaningful, dammit!

p5Oh wow. Don’t hold back. 30 whole minutes?! How noble of you.


Bhahahaha!  Mkay. So really what you mean to say is this:

Hi. We are having a day-long meeting about your feelings and how that will play out in the next year. Since we don’t want to provide you with food, we are going to call it a ‘picnic’ and have you bring your own food as per every other single day, because fuck you, what am I? Your mother? Right. So, bring your own grub, sit at the meeting table (in groups of five), hold hands and talk about how hand holding can increase productivity, produce a skit about it, present that skit and you better goddamn smile while you do, then we all finish with a group number of Kumbaya and you bet your ass you’re going to sing, oh and at some point I guess take a bite of food. You have 30 minutes. And GO!


tumblr_mplf6zJ7Af1qa8mq1o2_250tumblr_mplf6zJ7Af1qa8mq1o4_250tumblr_mplf6zJ7Af1qa8mq1o3_250Etc, etc.


About randommaleandorfemale

I have many thoughts that I can't say in my outside voice. Enter, this blog. Its goal is to stop me from imploding and whatnot. So far, so good.

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