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Monthly Archives: January 2014

Interactive picture boxes

Here’s some fucking wisdom for you

This image pretty much speaks for itself.

*Side Note: These are people that have multiple degrees (clearly, not enough) and computer based jobs.  That means they spend at least 8 hours a day in front of these interactive picture boxes.

It’s not like they’re being asked to move mountains here.  This basic stuff, folks.

Apart from the fact that there is clearly a,

I-have-never-unzipped-a-folder-in-my-entire-school-and/or-work-career-and-when-I-had-to-I-made-sure-that-someone-came-and-held-my-hand-through-it-because-I’m-too-ignorant-and-I-clearly-missed-that-class-that-taught-me-how-to-use-my-critical-thinking-skills“,

epidemic, it always saddens me to know that the,

I-will-never-read-your-emails-but-I-will-respond-with-questions-because-even-though-the-answer-is-in-the-body-of-the-message-I’m-just-so-damn-important-that-I-want-you-to-do-it-for-me-because-I’m-sooooo-busy-and-your-time-and-mental-health-is-irrelvant-to-me-and-no-I-had-no-idea-how-fucking-stupid-it-makes-me-look“,

epidemic is still going strong.

readingishard

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Love glove

Quote of the fucking day

Dreamcrusher: <loudly, on the phone, presumably speaking with coworker on a different floor> …. you need a what? A condom?! CONDOM! I can’t help you with that. Go to the store and buy your own condoms. CONDOMS!

<silence>

Dreamcrusher: Haha. I guess you just can’t get away from it, huh? CONDOMS!

Me:

dean-what-gif.gif.pagespeed.ce.AxPbTeh-08

More is more

Factual Fact/Here’s some fucking wisdom for you

Sometimes more is more.

Dr. Seuss: Here’s my feedback. It’s clear, right? Let’s just do it like this, mkay? Let me know if you have any questions.

CYMERA_20140123_094938

Me:

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It doesn’t take rocket appliances.

ricky

McHuh: So-like… how’s that project coming along?

Me: Great. It will be ready by the end of the day tomorrow.

McHuh:

wiig1McHuh: But.. like… you said end of the day today?

Me: Correct. But I was off sick yesterday, remember? So naturally I’ll need to add a day onto the original deadline.

McHuh:

images (17)

<silence>

<silence>

<silence>

McHuh:  So… Can you just let the group know that you’ll send it tomorrow morning?

Me: No. But I can let them know I’ll send it by the end of the day tomorrow.

McHuh: Ummmm…why? End of day?

Me:

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Something’s fucky

images (15)

As if the morning rush hour commute isn’t filled with enough murderous rage…

Factual Fact

If I can taste the smell of your gym shoes, they need not be tied to the outside of your bag.

Please invest in any or all of the following:

a) a bigger bag, a bag within your bag, just… any bag really

b) Dr. Scholls

c) a quarantine room?

d) new shoes that don’t taste so bad

Mkay?

I mean, I’m not even going to get into the topic of fungus, because I will throw up in my mouth. The humanity!!

Let’s review:  Shoes go in bag. Done.

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I’m not seeing an option to unzip.

Quote of the fucking day.

McHuh: Ummmm sooooo-like.  I can’t get the file to play in any of my browsers. Mchelp.

Me: Did you extract the files? You know, unzip the zipped folder?

McHuh:

images (13)

Me: <receives email, 4+ hours later>

Email reads:

“I’m not seeing an option to unzip. I just can’t figure this out. Please come to my desk and do it for me.”

49199-Ron-Swanson-this-is-my-hell-hvOC

McHuh: Mkay, soooo here is the file.

Me: Select the file, right click, extract files. Done.

McHuh: OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. So? Do I like, have the file now?

Me: Define ‘have’.

McHuh: You know, liiiiike… I don’t have to download it again.

Me:

get-the-fuck-out bob