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It would be awesome if your things stopped feeling me up on the way to work.

Bags.

Bags shoved in my stomach. Bags caressing my leg. Bags pinching my ass.

So many bags.

Why? Why a separate bag for each thing you are carrying? Can’t your workout shoes and your high heels live in the same bag? Are they in a fight right now?

Mkay, sure. I get the occasional traveller that decides for some reason, leaving at rush hour is a brilliant idea, and yes, I’m aware that isn’t always a choice. So to you, random traveller, I offer forgiveness.

In general, though, can someone please explain why my fellow rush hour transit mates are carrying 5 to 7 bags on the way to work?

Too Many Bags

Where in the actual fuck do you work?

Are you a team mascot?

Are you carting around ransom money (can I have some?)?

Are you America’s Next Top Model?

Are you bringing the contents of your fridge for lunch?

Are you the mall Santa?

I know some are necessary, like computer bags.  But,  hey! They make backpacks for that too, in which you can also store: Other stuff!! Mind blowing.

And okay, fine. Work out gear. You need that larger than life GoodLife Fitness bag. I get it. You work out. You look great. You’re fucking fabulous, etcetera, etcetera.

So, can’t you stuff whatever is in the 5 or 6 other bags you’re carrying, into that workout bag?

Or, hey, here’s a thought: No one cares about your Michael Kors/Coach/Versace purse. For real style. No one.

So, assuming that the other purse you’re carrying is your real purse, and the designer one is for show… why not compile the contents of each purse…..

Wait for it…

…………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………

Wait for it…

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Into one purse!

HOLY FUCKBALLS! Who knew life could be so simple?

At any rate, I understand that people need to cart around things. I get it. But wouldn’t it be awesome if instead of carrying 7 little things, you carried 2 things, or even 3 things? You know you wanna.

Mainly, though, it would  be awesome if your things stopped feeling me up on the way to work. I’m spoken for, thanks.

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About randommaleandorfemale

I have many thoughts that I can't say in my outside voice. Enter, this blog. Its goal is to stop me from imploding and whatnot. So far, so good.

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