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Monthly Archives: July 2013

Ridin’ Dirty.

Here’s a factual fact about me.

I enjoy photoshop… a lot. You know, like chopping and placing my face in the most ridiculous places and/or movie scenes and/or album covers and/or the moon? Currently, my template face resembles bitchy resting face – which is why it is most enjoyable. If you are unaware of bitchy resting face, here it is.

One of my latest creations is from a famous Dirty Dancing scene. You know the one, right?

This one:

Scene-from-Dirty-Dancing-001

Yep, of course you know it.

For obvious reasons I won’t post my creation, because, according to this, I am a figment of your imagination.

No matter how realistic things may look, there must be a point where logic kicks in, right? I mean, let’s connect the dots here.

Dot connecting:  Oh hey, that dude is dead (dot A) and actually, he was in that sexy dancing movie (dot B).

And that, my friends,  is my intro to the Quote of the fucking day.

McHuh: Zomg! Cool! …. this is so cool.

Me: Bhaha, ya I totally met his ghost.

McHuh: What? <bends in for a closer look> Sooo… where is this? Where did you meet?

Me: Camp kellerman?

McHuh: <awkward silence>

Me: It’s Dirty Dancing.

McHuh: oh so… wait? what? Is this you?

Me: Ya. You know, photoshop. It’s my head.

McHuh: Sooo? where WAS it?

Me:  Omfg. I chopped my purdy little head off  and put it on the this most famous scene from a most famous movie. I use photoshop. It’s a program. I use it make things. Things that are not real. Said program is needed for my job. You know, the place I work? You know, where you also work? Ya, that place. Fuck.

Dot A + Dot B =

tumblr_mm4sakCiG81s60x1ko1_r1_400

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Ploptastic.

dont-get-boiled-in-pond-funny-sign

Factual Fact (#6) with a sprinkle of Here’s some fucking wisdom for you (#98).

To the McTeethsucker in the neighbouring cubicle:

Here’s the thing… We are all happy that you have purchased a decorative water fountain/sound machine/noise making doodad/shit plopping into the toilet sound maker for your home. Congratulations. High five.

What we are not happy with, is the fact that you have video taped your decorative water fountain/sound machine/noise making doodad/shit plopping into the toilet sound maker and feel the need to play on loop at high volume at your desk, with an added,

“I HOPE PEOPLE DON’T HAVE TO PEEEEEE!!! <smokers cough, teeth suck, smokers cough, teeth suck, smokers cough>.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for relaxing, chill-like sounds. It just happens that something that reflects the sound of shit plopping into the toilet is not one of them.

Lessons learned: Some people enjoy washroom sounds. Gross.