Factual Fact* (#3)
*Factual facts are suggestions**. I swear*** to unicorns**** I’ve never tried this.
**See what I did there?
***I swear a lot, so it’s true.
****What do you mean unicorns don’t exist?
If you are lucky enough to work in an office that has an open concept layout scattered with cubicle condos, do yourself a solid and invest in some headphones (not just for the obvious noise blocking reasons).
Actually, they don’t even need to be in working condition. People assume you are listening to something and are concentrating really, really, hard. They will eventually learn not to bother you and apologize profusely for the disturbance.
Behold these simple steps:
1. Never make eye contact, even if you can hear them. Just keep typing.
Random McRandom: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey can I ask… hey? <knocks on desk> Umm? Hey?
You: <typidy type type, concentrating hard, typidy type type, concentrating hard, typidy type type>
2. Appear startled when you ‘finally’ notice them.
You: <jumps out of chair a little> Oh! You scared me! <places hand on chest>I didn’t see you there. Phew!
Random McRandom: Oh, sorry. Sorry!!! So sorry.
3. Ask them to repeat themselves, at least once.
You: No problem. I’m just… really… <ruffles papers> focused.
Random McRandom: So I was wondering if you tell me how to such and such and then do this and that for me?
You: Sorry, what are you asking? I’m still startled.
You: <squints at McRandom, while moving mouse around furiously>Hold on, let me just finish this…. just one sec…
Random McRandom: Oh, sorry. Sorry to bother you. You know what? Never mind, you’re busy. I can get it from JoeCool Coworker.
You: <ruffles papers, looks genuinely concerned> Oh, are you sure? It’s no prob–
Random McRandom: Oh yes. So sorry to bother you! Sorry!
You: <wins, does silent cheer>
5. Rinse, and repeat.
Thank you for your inspiration, George Costanza.