RSS Feed

Monthly Archives: May 2013

What’s co-py?

Quote of the fucking day.

McHuh: <post quitting time voice mail message> Ummm-like ya hi there. I was wondering if you could call me back and tell me how I can copy the video file from the folder onto my desktop.

“how I can copy the video file from the folder onto my desktop”

Good to see your Master’s degree is being put to good use.

Mind. Blown.

copythis

Advertisements

Why math is important, among other things…

Quote of the fucking day. 

You can’t even make this stuff up. Seriously.

imageswww

McHuh: Sooo-like. Here’s the thing. I know you’re really detail-oriented and want to be proud of the products you create, but… ummm-like… I’d like you not to give 100% effort any more on this project.

Me: Whut.

McHuh: Well, like… I think you should be aiming for like… a 75 percent effort, you know, instead of 100. Because you just putting in 75 is the same as other people putting in their full 120 percent.

Me: Whut. Wait… full 120? Whut.

McHuh: Well basically I don’t really care if some things are sloppy or not polished.

Me: But, I care. It reflects poorly on me. That’s not how I work.

McHuh: Ummmm-like well… but it’s okay if some things are, you know, overlooked.

Me:

One with the stair.

Hey! Do you know what’s awesome?

When you fall up the subway stairs, and people lend a hand, ask if you are okay, are genuinely concerned,  help you up walk on top of you as if you were one with the stair and glance back annoyed, as though it was your choice to bash your knees and face on the concrete. No really, I have shoe prints on my pants. Fuck you very much.

because-fuck-you-thats-why_o_501793

You’re gonna have a bad time.

Here’s some fucking wisdom for you (#3).

If you repeatedly ask a stupid question, you’re gonna have a bad time.

download

McHuh: Sooooo-like. Ummmm. Why is this taking so long?

Me: Because that’s how long it takes. Also, consider the issues I’m having with our shitty technology, the fact that you hired an asshat for a temp which resulted in two extra weeks of work fixing said asshat’s errors, also I’m doing this all by my lonesome. That’s why.

McHuh: Right. Sooooo-like. Ummmm. Why is this taking so long?

Me: Because that’s how long it takes.

McHuh: But soooo-like. This project just gets bigger and bigger.

Me: Incorrect. It’s always been this big, as I’ve pointed out multiple times via charts and spreadsheets and calendars.

McHuh: Right. Sooooo-like. Ummmm. Why is this taking so long?

Me: Parce que c’est le temps qu’il faut.

McHuh: Right. Sooooo-like. Ummmm. Why is this taking so long?

Me: それはそれはかかる時間だからです。

McHuh: Right. Sooooo-like. Ummmm. Why is this taking so long?

Me: (dances) Nes tai, kaip ilgai užtrunka. Nes tai, kaip ilgai užtrunka!!!

Subtext:

The plants, they tell me things.

Quote of the fucking day.

Brilliant Genius: (enters neighbouring cubicle) If anyone asks, I’m taking Mcteeth’s plant for a walk.

Everyone: Wha..huh?

Brilliant Genius: Tee hee hee. I’m taking it outside. For a walk. In the sun. Tee hee hee. Tee hee hee. Tee hee hee.

*Crickets*

*Crickets*

*Crickets*

*Crickets*

Me: (Ponders) <Not sure if he thinks smoking the fern will get him high, or if he actually wants to take it for a walk.  Either is feasible, because, brilliant genius.>

funny-pictures-cat-plants-listening1

It’s been vanilla.

Quote of the fucking day.

(Yelling over their respective cubicles)

Dreamcrusher: What are you drinking? It looks gross.

Mcteethsucker: It’s been vanilla… latte or something.

Dreamcrusher: What?

Mcteethsucker: IT’S BEEN VANILLA!!!!

Me: Oh my god. Vanilla BEAN. The word you’re looking for is B-E-A-N. Fuck.

Dreamcrusher: Now, now, now. Oh, brother.

Me: (leaves to purchase many alcohols to consume after escape)

images (1)

Your ass is as stubborn in the ass.

Nana-ism #56

“You know what you are like? You’re like your father. Doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to listen, doesn’t want to do anything that isn’t, you know how I mean….  fun. How do they say? Your ass is as stubborn in the ass.”

Me: Yep, that about covers it.

stubborn