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Monthly Archives: April 2013

This one’s for the pole hogs.

I made this last year, but it still applies… and probably always will.  Damn you, pole hogs. May you get some kind of weird infection from the germy pole you just hogged.

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Mail Unbelievable!

Quote of the fucking day.

Cubicle Dweller A: <answers phone> I know. I know. And yet, I didn’t put your name on the envelope and it keeps coming back. I don’t know what I’m looking at, and yet, I don’t understand.  I don’t understand….  yes, I know. And yet again, I didn’t put your name on the envelope… just the address. And you know what? It keeps coming back. And you know what it says? Mail unbelievable!

Linguistics.

Yes, it’s quite unbelievable indeed.

return-to-sender

Maybe she’s born with it…

Quote of the fucking day.

After debrief of recent hair colour change:

Subject A: Well, no one can be a natural redhead. There’s no such thing. You just can’t. You can be born with it, but then it goes away…. you know, your body just decides if it’s brunette or blonde.

Me:  Big, overflowing bowl of wrong. Just wow.

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Hey! Do you know what’s great about speaker phone? Nothing. That’s what.

Here’s some fucking wisdom for you (#12).

I’ve said this a hundred times, and I’ll say it again.

To the Teeth Sucker that sits in the neighbouring cubicle:

Holy shit! Check this out!

If you actually pick up the phone cradle and/or wear some type of ear bud device when you listen to your voicemails, it’s entirely possible that you will understand your message the first time around and not have to continuously repeat every.single.goddamn.fucking.message.on.motherfucking.speaker.phone…. and then proceed to debrief those in ear shot as to whether or not you fully understood the message you played 16 times.

I know. Technology these days, right? What will they think of next?

banana-phone

Asshat.

To the ignoramus on the subway that I poked repeatedly with my umbrella:

Because I didn’t ask for an ass rub.

That’s why.

I mean, really. By the third rub, it’s not an accident.

Congratulations!! You’ve won:

AssHat_Certificate

Yikes.

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Here’s some fucking wisdom for you (#35).

When noting (a particularly scary) someone’s crystal clear incompetence regarding their “job”, make sure they aren’t around the corner and then proceed to creepily creep out of the neighbouring cubicle, with a side of extra creep.

It’s entirely possible you may end up in a ditch somewhere.

(No really, if you don’t hear from me, that’s what happened).

No.

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Quote of the fucking day

McHuh: Ummmm-like. Soooooo. Can we meet Monday morning at 8:30am and meet about that meeting that we will meet about because I have this other meeting and I might need you to ummmm…  leave your meeting to meet me in my meeting because I don’t really know what meeters I should be meeting?

Me: I don’t think that’s necessary.

(Subtext: No. Fuck no. No. No, no, no. Hell no. No. Nope. No. Just no. Nadda. No.)